When posing as a Scientologist... This is Scientology's devil! We'll make him yours too (for a fee)! Without Sceintology's generous services, you will be reincarnated lifetime after lifetime in this prison planet. We can free you from this enslavement! With a mere $360,000 (give or take a couple hundred K), you can free yourself of this torment! Once you give us your money, Scientology will cure all your problems! Most likely. Probably. Or you'll die from Scientology's teachings (just like Lisa McPherson). But at least you won't be in debt anymore! If you don't have the money, you can join our glorious Sea Organization! It's ONE BILLION years of your (forced) labor through this lifetime and the next and the next! Benefits of the Scientology's Navy: The Sea Organization! 1. Cozy quarters! Get real close with your fellow Sea Org members shacking up 8 to a shed! But NO sex ever! Sex will kill you! Only Scientology can decide who you have sex with! 2. Make 36 CENTS EVERY hour! Why make dollars when you can make CENTS? After 80 (forced) hours of work you'll have all the cents you need! 3. A wide variety of culinary delights from rice, beans and water; to beans, rice and water; to water, rice and beans (for a fee)! 4. Total security! There's even barbed wire on the INSIDE of our fences! You'll never escape! 5. Luxurious cruises! You'll shine the shoes of the elite and the rub the floors of the ship! Pay no heed to the blue asbestos on the ceiling! 6. Spiffy blue and white jackets (for a fee)! 7. Are you a female and have you got yourself "in trouble?" Well, worry no more! If you ever make the evil, awful mistake of having sex, then Scientology's here to help! We'll send your husband halfway across the world and pull that baby right out of you! With Scientology's patented Baby-B-GoneTM policy! Pro-choice? Pro-life? Doesn't matter anymore! No matter what you say Scientology WILL remove that baby (for a fee). Trust us. You're better off. You can't make any cents while pregnant!