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URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

Discussion in 'Translation and Text Composition Projects' started by Consensus, Mar 12, 2008.

  1. Consensus Member

    URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    This press release is in response to the filing for a temporary restraining order[/url:1k8b811z] in Clearwater against "AN ASSOCIATION OF PEOPLE KNOWN AS ANONYMOUS." We need PR people to edit, proofread, and finalize it. It must be completed by 3pm Eastern Daylight Time on Wednesday, 3/12.

    This press release should make no mention of Violence. It should be strictly about pointing the finger at them for trying to stop a legal and lawful protest. It should have a professional tone. It should be approximately one page long.

    We are looking both to spam it wide and large and to focus on specific media targets. We should treat those media targets as allies; this press release is not an Anonymous Video, we do not need to use our 'ominous' voice.

    By keeping one to two sentence paragraphs, it becomes much easier to re-write a line, to re-arrange the order, to cut something out, and so on. The idea of a press release is to get the attention of the editor (who reads dozens of these a day), to be concise, to be clear, and to maximize the freedom of the Editor (in terms of cutting and pasting for publication).

    I imagine it is OK to borrow from previous press releases Anonymous has sent out; repetition is an effective way to drive a point home.

    Here's an early, early draft, largely borrowed from a brilliant press release the Enturb Forums worked on last week. I expect it to be cut down significantly, and new parts added, but I thought it only fair to give you guys something to work with.

  2. anonawog Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    I'm not a PR person, but this looks like a pretty good draft to me.

    You may consider changing that to

    This press release is specifically about the Church of Scientology, not just any cult.
  3. acis Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    include anything about a group of people trying to file a court order against another groups right to speak in public and it is win.
  4. Consensus Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    This press release is specifically about the Church of Scientology, not just any cult.[/quote:10wk85pr]

    Good point.

    I was also intending to add, after that line, more than one example of their overzealous litigation. Anybody have additional examples of them filing frivolous and unenforcible petitions/lawsuits? Shouldn't be hard to dig up, I just rushed 'cause I wanted a first draft up as fast as possible.

    Feel free to post your revisions
  5. Veritas Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Several people have mentioned that they are contacting the ACLU about this. We should include that in the press release. I think that mentioning a group like the ACLU will make any newspaper editor perk up and pay more attention to what we have to say.
  6. DustWizard Member

  7. acis Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    ^both good
  8. Consensus Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Latest version.
    I have to go to bed. Do with this as you please, it's not my property (and I cribbed most of it from far more talented Anons). I know you folks'll make us all proud.
  9. acis Member

  10. eclipsael Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Dude, we have a whole other stickied thread about this!
  11. Ivlesin Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Not liking the title.
    Here's my go at it. Changes in bold, also some words removed from sentences, this is based off the original one in the OP, not any changes found after that.

    EDIT: After going over it a few times, I've made comments an edits all over the place, as well as suggestions on reordering the paragraphs. I probably missed a ton, since it's late for me.

    Big Edit that I'm not going to put into the Quotes:

    Your ideas are tossed around. You go from talking about Anonymous and the protests, to stating official articles and legislature (Good) then back to Anonymous and Protests (which we started with) and then to attacking the CoS (bad, not the goal). It's a mess.
    In my own, humble, opinion, the paragraph order should look more like this.

    Facing the second major protest in as many months, the Church of Scientology in Clearwater Florida has filed for a restraining order against a nameless, faceless group of peaceful protestors.

    Thousands worldwide will stage a protest on March 15 against the Church of Scientology's routine abuse of its members and critics. The activist group, calling itself "Anonymous," will picket at local Church of Scientology centers beginning at 11 a.m. local time.

    The group’s protest on February 10th drew more than 7,500 people in around100 cities across the globe, to demonstrate peacefully in front of their local Scientology centers. The protest, organized in less than a month, is the largest demonstration against the Church of Scientology to date.

    Most protesters wear masks, scarves or other accessories to protect their identity due to Scientology’s policy of defaming and harassing its critics. This policy, called "fair game," detailed in a 1967 letter sent by church founder L. Ron Hubbard, has led to the stalking and harassment of critics like Emmy award-winning filmmaker Mark Bunker and BBC journalist John Sweeney.

    According to http://www.associatedcontent.com/articl ... orida.html, a petition for a restraining order in Florida must have the full name, current address and phone number of the person to be served. The petition identifies as its target "AN ASSOCIATION OF PEOPLE KNOWN AS ANONYMOUS."

    The 1960 US Supreme Court Ruling (362 U.S 60), Talley vs California, the City of Los Angeles ordinance made it a crime to distribute anonymous pamphlets. Source: Wikipedia

    The First Amendment in the US Constitution states that "Congress shall make no law ... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble...."

    Complimenting the First Amendment, the Florida Constitution declares: Article I Section 5 " . . .[The] Right to assemble.--The people shall have the right peaceably to assemble, to instruct their representatives, and to petition for redress of grievances."


    This way, your ideas are not so . . .sporadic. They're arranged and your ideas are not tossed this way and that.
  12. orly Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Why not write a press release as anon? They don't have to be balanced news articles, per se (just look at the Scilon statements that've been released)--they're sources we want the guys WRITING the balanced news articles to take into consideration. I'm looking at http://www.publicityinsider.com/release.asp and http://www.press-release-writing.com/ right now, those might help.

    Mind if I start a second possible release, from that sort of slant? (It'll have to be a bit general, of course. Something like "Anonymous condemns Scientology's attempts to hinder their first-amendment rights to peaceably assemble", and so on.)
  13. Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    My edit for now: Facing the second major protest in five weeks, the Church of Scientology in Clearwater Florida... (more impact to show that the last protest was 5 weeks ago).

    Also, the language is kinda choppy around the part where the constitution and L.A stuff is mentioned. Perhaps the languagefags will clean it up when they wake up in a few hours.
  14. HeyNonnyNonny Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    I really don't like the opening, the whole "Church scared" part. It might stroke all our e-peens, but saying someone is scared is saying they're being attacked. You should make it sound like THEY'RE the bad guys. "Scientology scared" makes the reader think "Why are they scared? Who's attacking them?" Whereas "Cult attempting to legally circumvent freedom of speech, right to assemble" or something is making people think "Those assholes" before they've even finished reading the headline.
  15. 916anon Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Seconding this. Any phrase that paints the CoS as 'victims' is contrary to reality and our purposes. They are attempting to have 1st Amendment Rights -revoked-, making Anons and protestors the victims here.
  16. orly Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Okay, how about this?


    I didn't source a lot of stuff, but I'm assuming they can do their own error-checking, or contact whoever for it. Mostly I tried to copy the stuff on that pr-release site. How does this look?
  17. cincianon Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    It's early and I'm not quite awake yet, but one point I can make-Stress heavily that CoS is attempting to deny Anonymous its legal and government given right to a peaceful protest. This was truly stupid of them-they control their own people, now they want to control the general public. Tint it with outrage.

    They have no grounds whatsoever for this filing. Add in that they're tying up the courts with their pointless lawsuits.
  18. Ivlesin Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    I like this a lot:
    There are no plans to cancel the Clearwater, March 15th protest. In the event that the restraining order is granted, an event Anonymous considers unlikely, the protest would be moved to a legal location and steps would be taken to follow any orders present in the injunction.

    It definitely needs sources. We don't want to be like the CoS, who says "We have evidence" and doesn't show anything to back it up.
  19. DustWizard Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    That's more an article and less a press release.
  20. eclipsael Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Sorry if this is nitpicky, but make sure 'A London' is spaced properly. :)
  21. Modus Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    My contribution.

    RIP IT TO SHREDS! MUHAHAHAHAHA

    I love the way this works. I would rather never take credit for anything ever again and have it refined to the point of ethical, artistic, linguistic perfection.


    Someone has replied with a new version since I started writing this. So... err... combine the two. Posting it as is for now.
  22. googoomuck Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    *Edited in "five weeks" and another headline
    *Edited again for omitted word, added "to contact anonymous"
  23. AnonEFG12365 Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    this is Perfect! I'd say it's ready!
  24. Modus Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Okay there's three different versions now that I haven't read (and approved of... being the sole voice of anonymous :lrhtalking: ) but whether or not any of the stuff I wrote is transferred to any new versions, there NEEDS TO BE QUOTES. We can never be reached for comment unless a reporter is really willing to get wrapped up in all of this - or they get the closest namefag they can.

    We should try and come up with some consensus quotes - quotes that really represent the group. Include them in quotation marks, it really adds to a press release and our position in an article if they include it. (Especially if all our quotes are about reconnecting families and things like free speech.)
  25. Ivlesin Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Some tense shifts randomly throughout this. I Bolded the examples of past tense, though I certainly didn't get all of them. It's common to stay in present tense, and you don't want to switch back and forth.

    Also, a few grammar errors, but I don't have time to correct them, as it's bedtime.
  26. googoomuck Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Thanks, my grammar and punctuation definitely need help. Any punctuation gurus here?
  27. DustWizard Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Alright, here's my version, cut what you want to keep to add to your own or what have you.

  28. Hoshi Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE



    English nazi here.
    I've made some changes to the grammar and the lexis, to make it more consistent throughout the article. I also think it appropriate, that it be mentioned the TIMES cases were eventually thrown out of court, as an example of their practices. That's bracketed, so you can cut it out, if you wish.
    Also fixed some spelling mistakes that passed under the radar.
  29. googoomuck Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Fixed?
  30. DustWizard Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Wiki news sites the number of people at the protest as 9,250. Might want to use that number instead of the 7,500.
  31. Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    "Cited" not "sited" :)
  32. HeyNonnyNonny Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    "Mishap" makes it sound almost accidental; You need aword that sounds deliberate and sinister.

    "Free Speech challenge as scientology attempts to stop worldwide protest"
    "Free Speech attacked as scientology attempts to stop worldwide protest"
    "Free Speech circumvented as scientology attempts to stop worldwide protest"
    "Free Speech under fire as scientology attempts to stop worldwide protest"

    Or something. This wasn't scientology going "Ooops! Looks like that's against the constitution, my bad!", this was a deliberate and overt attempt to subvert one of the very foundations of this country.
  33. Tuesday Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    I like everyone of your suggested titles except for one thing: I don't know that the attempt is against ALL protests but instead against the protests in Clearwater alone. As such I suggest these instead.
  34. Me Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    "Free Speech attacked as Scientology attempts to stop peaceful protest" : my preference.

    Don't know whether the http://www.march15.org is worth sticking in at the end (as well), as it provides a handy, potted overview of "Anon" and the issues at hand.


    Other than that, I reckon this is very good news! The "church" really can't help themselves, and very sensibly have decided (yet again) to try to crush ppl's freedom of speech and association, and even more kindly are doing it in a way that should help get us some good coverage. :D


    Gr8 PR now IMHO.
  35. storge Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    mishap is really the wrong word and someone used the wrong form for complement earlier (they wrote "compliment"). I will take the last version I see here and look it over, and repost any changes I make.
  36. googoomuck Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

  37. Modus Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    You mean it was OVER 9000?

    Sorry I'm not used to being exposed to all these idioms.

    I love the most recent version of the release, but I still advocate the inclusion of quotes from anons. As well as feeding the press something they've been somewhat deprived of in this crusade, we need to show them that we're just concerned everyday people who want to spread a peaceful message!

    This is proabably a bad example because I tend to fill shit with words, but:
    "Anonymous is like the perfect society, where ideas are distributed furiously and the highest priority is on the objective intellectual growth of the movement. It's a culture built on compassionate criticism; nameless people contributing to the knowledge, the strength and most importantly, the morality, of the collective. There are no prejudices or stereotypes because we come from all over the world and remain nameless. Only ideas are judged, but they are subjected to rigorous scrutiny, refined until they are acceptable to everybody."

    :shock:

    Anonymous is the exact opposite of Scientology.


    This injunction really is a footbullet in the ass though.
  38. storge Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    changes: i like took some commas out and shit (if in doubt leave em out), changed mishap to a journalistic cliche (under attack might be better), rewrote a few lines here and there to make it read better. whether they are self-appointed experts on the mind or self-described doesnt matter too much I think. also there was a confusion of quotation marks, britfag and americanfag reported speech conventions I guess. I made them all merican. use whatever works and shit.

    ++++++++
    ========
    ++++++++

    Free Speech Under Fire: Scientology Tries to Stop Global Protest

    Clearwater, Florida, March 12, 2008:

    Amid allegations of human rights abuse and facing the second major protest in five weeks, the Church of Scientology is resorting to its usual tactic: frivolous lawsuits. A prominent Scientologist apparently acting on behalf of the Church of Scientology has petitioned a court for a restraining order against a nameless, faceless group of peaceful protesters.

    Protests are planned for over 100 cities worldwide on March 15 at 11 a.m. local time in each time zone. The protesters using a number of internet sites refer to themselves collectively as “Anonymous.” Because of Scientology’s history of defaming, harassing and attacking its critics, most protesters plan to wear masks, scarves and other items to onceal their identities.

    A Long History of Spurious Legal Claims

    The aggressive legal stance by the Church of Scientology is part of their "fair game" policy as described in a 1967 letter by church founder L. Ron Hubbard. Quoted verbatim, the policy states that enemies "may be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline," or "tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed."

    In practice this policy has amounted to personal and litigious harassment of critics and other alleged enemies of the organization. “Fair game” was used against Emmy-award-winning filmmaker Mark Bunker and BBC journalist John Sweeney among others. In 1991 a TIME Magazine cover story called the Church of Scientology a “thriving cult of greed and power” and concluded: “Scientology poses as a religion but really is a ruthless global scam.” After the article came out, TIME Magazine and its reporters were harassed, libeled and litigated against for a number of years by the Church of Scientology. (These actions were eventually thrown out of court, the judge describing them as “spurious.”)

    The current petition for a restraining order was filed against "an association of people known as Anonymous." Under Florida law, a petition for a restraining order must contain the full name, current address and phone number of the person to be served the court order. The Church of Scientology "refused to provide a copy of the lawsuit or discuss who it seeks to restrain," according to news reports from Clearwater.

    Filing shows Disregard for Constitution

    Analysts say the attempt to obtain a restraining order is unlikely to be granted by a judge because of overwhelming federal and state constitutional precedents. In Talley v. California (Supreme Court, 1960, case 362) the court struck down a Los Angeles city ordinance that made it a crime to distribute anonymous pamphlets. The Florida Constitution also guarantees citizens "the right peaceably to assemble, to instruct their representatives, and to petition for redress of grievances."

    Anonymous maintains that the Church of Scientology continues to act against the citizens' constitutional right to free speech. These self-appointed "authorities on the mind" made news in January when a leaked Scientology video of Tom Cruise behaving strangely led to hundreds of cease-and-desist letters to websites hosting the clip by Church of Scientology attorneys. Bloggers claimed defense under the Fair Use policy and Gawker editor Ben Popken refused to remove the video, which has now been viewed over 1.6 million times on YouTube.

    Anonymous entered the public eye on February 10 when more than 7,500 people worldwide demonstrated without incident outside their local Scientology centers. The protest was organized in less than a month and is the largest demonstration against the Church of Scientology to date.

    To contact Anonymous or for additional information about the Church of Scientology and Anonymous’ global protests, visit http://www.enturbulation.org.
  39. puppy Member

  40. magitad Member

    Re: URGENT: HELP NEEDED WITH PRESS RELEASE; 3PM EDT DEADILINE

    Advice from an old critic with 20+ years of writing/editing experience, much of it for newspapers:
    Reference the Clearwater restraining order specifically, and in the first paragraph. NAME the Scientologist who filed to restraining order [I saw his name posted on a.r.s. but the cofffee hasn't kicked in yet]. Don't sound like Scn propaganda with "A high-ranking Scientologist" or "news reports in Clearwater." Be specific!

    This needs to say FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE at the top, with a person to contact --you don't need a quote, you DO need a contact [even if it's an anon via anon email]. -- but at the top, not the bottom. And please something more direct than 'go to enturbulation.org' If you can't immediately find a contact, a journalist will find another story to write, and an editor will toss the release.

    A press release should be a BRIEF designed to get an editor to assign a reporter to cover a story. Don't try to write the story for them if you're going to make statements and journalistic spin that no editor would let by. That's one sure way to get it tossed.

    ONE MORE THING: You did some good research re: Florida law, etc., but the editors will NOT print that. Judges interpret law, not reporters. So don't clog up your news release with it. It would be a good idea to reference previous actions of Scientology stopping free speech in Clearwater, such as the relatively recent "orange dots" the poor RPFers had to scrub off the street, and the "free speech zones."

    http://www.skeptictank.org/pr/prpt123.htm
    http://www.skeptictank.org/cw99pr2.htm

    But just include links to websites with that info on it at the bottom under the heading FURTHER RESOURCES.


    Here's my take:

    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 12 MARCH 2008
    RE: CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY
    To contact Anonymous, or for additional information about the Church of Scientology and Anonymous’ global protests, visit http://www.enturbulation.org.

    Clearwater, FL

    A prominent Scientologist has filed for a restraining order against a collective of internet-based individuals who plan to protest the church’s policies and actions in Clearwater and around the world on March 15. The individuals, who organize online and refer to themselves collectively as "Anonymous," rarely know each other's names. However, they are planning their second demonstration within 5 weeks that seeks to raise awareness of perceived abusive policies and practices of the Church of Scientology and its related organizations.

    The current petition for a restraining order has been filed against "an association of people known as Anonymous". The Church of Scientology has "refused to provide a copy of the lawsuit or discuss who it seeks to restrain", according to Robert Farley of the St Petersburg Times.

    Anonymous entered the public eye on February 10, when more than 7,500 people in 93 cities worldwide demonstrated without legal incident outside local Scientology centers. The protest was organized in less than a month and was the largest demonstration against the Church of Scientology to date.

    Anonymous maintains that the Church of Scientology continues to act in defiance of citizens' constitutional right to free speech. Scientology made news in January, when a promotional video featuring Tom Cruise found its way to the internet. Church of Scientology attorneys scrambled to write hundreds of cease-and-desist letters to websites hosting the video. Bloggers claimed defense under the Fair Use policy: Gawker editor Ben Popken refused to remove the video, which has now been viewed over 1.6 million times on YouTube.

    Why the Masks?

    Because of Church of Scientology’s written policies that advocate defaming and harassing its critics, and its documented history of following those policies, most protesters say they will wear masks, scarves and other props to conceal and protect their identities.


    -30-
    Sorry if I'm crabby, but I'm MENOPAUSAL dammit! Someday you wil be too! Get off my lawn!

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