Discussion in 'Fair Game Reports and Personal Experiences' started by exOT8Michael, Jan 28, 2011.
I have a feeling this won't happen.
Well, I have mixed reactions. I liked the idea of the story but there wasn't enough detail to build the characters nor the events. The reader is left with a vague notion of sadness but that is all. Your style needs a lot of work but I think you have talent. You could get lessons but then if you could afford lessons you wouldn't be posting your story here. I would give you a 6 but since you have fooled a few of the soft-hearted folks here I'll be generous and award you 7/10.
Trapanon there is a great online community and support network for gender identity issues called "Laura's Playground" that is chock full of warm loving people who have similar stories to yours - many of which are so much worse from the torture of suppressing who they really were for a huge portion of their adult lives.
It's wonderful to have you here with us, and I too offer my words of encouragement, support and hugs. but you should check this other website out - there's a whole world out there waiting to embrace you with open arms for the lovely person you are, and the wonderful folks at Laura's will be more than happy to show you the way:
getting exOT8Michael to vouch for you was a triumph. nice job
Welcome. Your story has a sweet beginning and a sad middle, but be confident you'll yet have an opportunity to get to a happy ending.
I think you'll find, and of course there are always going to be exceptions, that Anonymous is very accepting of transgender people. While interacting with people through a computer screen is certainly no substitute for personal contact, we will be glad to have you aboard.
So true. You totally had me at transgender. I threw my bullshit detector out the window at that point. All I could think of was hugs.
Let me echo the welcomes in this thread. Your story was very honest and moving and I admire your courage in telling it.
And just what gives you special knowledge to say something like that! Special OT predjucial powers of tone fortyness!?
Very moving story Trapan0n! Very sad you had to live it but very glad you came here to tell it! Take such statements like the one I quoted above with a grain of salt as from who such snide comments really came from are usually one who are against everything we stand for and have only come here to cause dissent and pain.
Either way all good
Troll or no troll: traps need hugs
I just lost the game
even if the story was written by a tricky homophobe from osa, the character he created deserves our love, respect and hugs.
BEsides... It never hurts to stretch our empathy muscles.... considering it's so low on Scilon Tonne Scale. Even at the most extreme, this is a troll... well what else did you expect to happen when you tell a sob story to Homo Sapiens? They generally feel Empathy. Even if you are a troll, outing yourself right now doesn't make the response we would have given any less valid.
But We aren't paranoid enough like Scilons always believing such a story could be OSA. We're willing to give our sympathy to a hurt human being. Put that in your religious pipe and smoke it!!
I love the lovers, and hug the huggers.
Trapanon did not contact me, I simply saw his introduction in the Intro thread and responded.
I like that you keep me on my toes! I've been there all my life!
So what about those that don't hug or love eh!? What about the fucking smilers in all this?
Smilers are epic win, and worth their weight in chocolate cake and sprinkles.
I read your story, which Sponge posted on the Operation Clambake Message Board and it broke my heart. I know how it is to be in love with someone for years and years. Honestly, it took meeting someone else to help me get over him. Still, if I saw him in person again I would probably melt. So it's been a really good idea to not be in contact with him, though without putting the word "forever" into play.
Although it sounds like your life in the past years has been somewhat reclusive, you probably have changed. It sounds like you've changed for the better and it may even be that your positive growth would make you incompatible for the former relationship.
I wish you well! A new relationship doesn't solve problems or even make us (ultimately) happy -- but it can be affirming to find out that many other people find you lovable and worthwhile company!
Because somebody had to.
Thank you so much for the links and warm embraces. I am actually seeing a Psychiatrist and endrochronologist for hormone therapy and things like that. I have actually been on therapy since 2005. I doubt I can name names either, but there is only one doctor in my area that specializes in such things. So a smidge of research would reveal her. She knowing my back history won't reveal me however. There used to be a transgroup that met at Sarah Spencers house where I live. However, they stopped going a few years ago. I am not sure the reasons whether it lack of interest or difficulty keeping it up. I fell out of attendence due to other pursuits and I didn't get along with everyone there anyway. It was peer run rather than a therapist involved as well which could have been the cause of it's ceasation. For new trans we are often directed to the typical pride groups here or given the e-mail to the group in Vancouver.
Sorry, I could not respond quickly my password wasn't working. Firstly I wish to apologise for my vagueness, I wasn't sure how much of the details I could reveal as I was advised not to name names etc. To protect myself. So I will try to answer questions about his transformation. When he first met with our Scientology friend they mostly just had talks and conversations. Every once and a while Scientology would be plugged, because that friend felt that as it was his beliefs he could share it with us openly. At the time we didn't really care. We were still all kids and didn't really care the details. However, that friend whould start a stronger crusade against my love when he got older. I am not sure the reasons, perhaps closer friendships, perhaps pressure from parents or which ever. To start my love was given a book I believe it's dianetics, but I can't recall for sure. I only have the volcano to go by, which I learned is typically on the cover of dianetics. I didn't pay anything much mind due to how focused I was on our life. I had to keep up my class work on top of taking care of the house and him~ things like that. So he had a bit more time to sit and read these things. As I said he was my world and there was no room for anyone else.
I remember him being excited about what the book had said, but my carelessness caused me not to look into it. I can be so stupidly focused on something I don't quite hear others. In this case it was dinner. Religion was never a primary focus of mine due to bigots who told me about hell and how I would burn there. I was living just at the bible belt, so you can imagine how it was. So when someone mentioned anything religious I often shut down and felt sorry for myself. Again I shouldn't have because I could have done something more. The book was the first thing he read, then he and our Scientology friend would hang out a lot, I felt "blocked" like I couldn't get involved if I wanted to. They would talk about various things that were way over my head, it was when he actually went to the place (and it took a while before our friend could get him there) that he started to change. One of the reasons I wish I went with him was because I wanted to know what they did to him in hindsight. What was it that changed him? When I see stress tests and things I find it so ridiculous how he ever believed it. The same methods and way of speaking they use during a stress test is almost identical to a tarot reader.
*Hugs to all who did so* Thank you it does mean a lot to me. If there are Anon's protesting in Virginia I could give you a few more details, but that must be done outside this thread.
So he played a bamboo flute?
I think that is frowned upon per Dianetics.
I love the visual. You, a transgender wood nymph, him like Pan, the two of you frolicking amongst the trees on his parents' vast, wooded estate.
Finally, setting up a home together. You in the kitchen, baking, baking.
Then along comes the Scientologist friend. Fuck that guy. Seriously.
He was a farm boy, so there was a lot of space on his property. I miss the summers there on his property. Though the winters were nice too. Musical talent is frowned upon in dianetics!? That is just sad... Haha, we used to spend a lot of time out in the forests and areas surrounding the house. We had our own area where we sat and talked. It was a little spot with logs knocked over near a small stream. The home we'd live in was a small house at the edge of the property, his parents gave to us when we both turned sixteen. I'm not sure what they used it for, but the grandfather complained he'd lose his "escape."
The friend befriended us in eight grade, I remember how annoying he was. He was always talking about crap neither of us understood. Eventually my love would ask more questions and get explinations. He was an okay friend, but he was often really push, spoke very flat, was quite rude at times, and seemed goal driven. So him and I clashed often. In hindsight I wish I complained about him more and didn't invite him over. It was in our 11th grade year that he started really pushing the scientology stuff.
Speaking of baking~
hmmm so it was his friends that got him into it eh?.... Any words from his parents? They are probably disconnected from him too. (Unless they somehow are Scilons too.) They might be helpful in trying to talk sense to him. (although that depends on what your plans are for your life at the moment)
Don't feel too bad about it. It seems he fell really into it... and There really isn't too much you could have done to prevented it. Not so long as the "Grimma Wormtongue" friend was around. Dallas Anons march in protest tomorrow. I for sure will be shouting at the cult about their disconnection.
By the way.... you probably aren't an OSA troll, because Even they would never stoop so low to admit they were under influence of the psyches!
LOL, trolls don't bake caek.
Trapanon comes across to me as very authentic, frankly.
Trapanon, why did you choose that particular nickname? Curious choice?
Did your mom not tell you about the "birds" and the "bees" and the "traps"?
"Let me tell you about the birds and the bees and the...... OHMYGODITS ATRAP!!
AHHH!!! IT'S GOT MY LEG!!1!!!!1"
lol!- Hurray for Short attention Span
Hmm, actually I doubt his mother would go over to Scientology. She is a kind of "every once and a while" Christian. She has many of the christian beliefs and faiths, and none of the prejiduces that appear in some sects of that faith. Though I could be wrong, she would probably choose a cult over losing her son. I may have if chosen it for my love if I wasn't bullied and pushed away. I am also worried to contact his mother for fear of drawing attention to myself. I wonder if her number is still the one in my diary.
That friend did get to him, the state of the world and things used to bother my love as a child. He always said he wanted to save the world, and scientology promises that. A path to save all of humankind. I wouldn't doubt that that was the thing that drew him in. Grimma Wormtongue is exactly right! I never made the comparison, but in hindsight it's exactly that! When they spoke in private I used to hate it so much. Thank you so much DarkSpecterAnon, disconnection is a disgusting policy! I hate it so much, no one has a right to bar loved ones from seeing each other. I wish you the best of luck on your protest, please please be safe.
I'm definitely not OSA. I just learned about them when I read Michaels story. Also, the fact that there is an intergalactic space alien warlord killing lesser space aliens with volcanos sounds absolutely ridiculous. It isn't even good scifi... It sounds like a 4th grader's writing project. Not to mention the insert of greek words to sound intellectual. Thetan from the Greek word "theta" OOOOOOOOOOOO~~~ how brilliant :/
Michael: I chose the name because I am a trap~ I am a male to female transgender person, but while I was with my love I hadn't started hormone therapy yet. Most traps are highly effeminate guys who can pass quite well as girls. Guys then fall for them only to find out.. ITS A TRAP! My love kept me though despite that~ While I remain preop I am still considered a trap as well XDD. So I chose the name to express that. I also considered it a slap in the face to the group who told my love I was an aberration.
I get it, thanks. I hope OSA enjoys their trap slap! LOL
Hahaha! Trap slap~ You are most welcome Michael, and thank you for your encouragement!
Anonymous traps in DC. Good times!
Great vid, Zak! Never seen that one before - Marcabian Traps, begob. Thanks for posting it. Vive la difference...euh...vive la meme chose.
So, apparently there's a trap pageant circuit...who knew?
Hope you're made to feel welcome here, trapan0n. I do believe we have moar traps who post regularly here...there's a particularly Delicious one among the Loldon Anons.
Thank you Van Allen, I do feel quite welcome here. Truly? Are they going through the change or just cross dressing? Either way it's nice to be in a community other than transgender forums where it is embraced. It is what drew me to Anon in the first place other than previous reasons stated. I'm wondering if there even is Victoria Anon's about. I am realizing that in this town if you're not coupled with someone it's quite lonely and boring~ Since everyone is minding their own business.
If you want to protest with Anons you just might have to do it in Vancouver, I think...
Search this forum for Vancouver threads and message the anons?
Sadly I am on disability and traveling to Vancouver would be too costly for me. Though the idea is a wonderful one~ If I made more money I would gladly cast my lot in with the Vancouver Anon. Since Vancouver is the home of "Epic Stare Anon." Victoria is pretty, but can be really easy to isolate yourself here. In huge contrast to where I used to live.
Edit: I just realized your coffee is smiling.
If I recall correctly, DeliciousTrap recently underwent surgery...but she posts here regularly, so you can ask her yourself. (But it's the wee small hours in the UK at the mo')
Oh I see, so she is a step ahead of me. I am going in for assessments for the final steps this monday XDD. It is cool there is more of us lurking around. It is quite late at night there I am sure. Probably around 4am or so?
Yes, it's just gone 4 am in the UK.
Wishing you all the best for Monday, trapan0n.
Scientology brings out the demon deep within people, that is the trap. They go in looking for happiness, but they end up giving up everything that used to make them happy, and replacing it with Scientology stuff. All Scientologists are horrible, and liars, only when they break out of the bubble will they feel guilt and reform. I am sorry for your loss, but I am sure HIS loss is much much worse than yours.
Thank you so much! I am a little nervous to start the assessments. I have all of my information and proof ready though so I think I will do fine. It's too bad my love is missing out, we used to talk about this day a lot.
Edit: Hmm, I would imagine it would be. I have been waiting all this time, but I haven't stopped my change and I am just now starting to actively seek friends. So in the end he might get out and see his world had changed without him :/
I just go back from working out, where I was thinking about your post.
Back in college, I took a really good Gender Studies course. I was surprised to find out about the number of people who really don't fit neatly into the role of "male" or female" often due to how they were born physically, though of course that was only one aspect.
That being said, I just want to acknowledge that the world likes to categorize everyone, and I think people like to know whether someone is "male" or "female" for their own comfort or nosiness.
I don't know enough about transgender issues to give informed advice, but I do want to encourage you not to feel like you have to define yourself as a male or female. I suppose when it comes to romantic relationships, it can get tricky.
I guess what I mostly want to say is there are people out there who will understand that not everyone is strictly a male or female in the traditional sense that we are raised to expect.
One other thing -- not that you asked (!) but I wouldn't get in touch with the mom of your ex. I think it would just be painful for you.
Also, please don't blame yourself for not paying more attention to Dianetics or what was happening with your ex's beliefs. He decided for himself and made his own choice. And he made a bad choice, but I don't think you could have changed it. The cult successfully recruited him and it will take him waking up and realizing the scam for him to finally leave.
I hope - in the event he ever leaves the cults and gets back in touch - he will find you happy and healthy and having moved on. I think it will be better for you if you can (and it sounds like you are) remembering the good times with him but meanwhile are moving forward.
I wish for you every good thing!
You're very right. When I was born and grew up there was debate on whether or not I should be made a boy or a girl. Eventually my parents ignored my doctors and just kind of shunned me for it. So I grew up relatively on my own. A lot of us just call "female" to those who identify female and "male" to those who identify male. It clears up some of the confusion, because some people may be at the beginning of their change and look very much a male, but identify female. It is unfair to call her male when she doesn't identify that way. At least that is what they do in my area.
With that being said, I very much identify myself as female~ So where I am they just call me "she" and such. Having the legal name change helped a lot too in helping people identify me as female. I'm not sure about relationships as I have not been with anyone since my love.
I have been juggling the idea of whether or not I should. However, I am quite afraid of what I might learn. So I might not call out of simple cowardance...
I try not to, but I always play out "what if" senarios in my head a lot. He was definitely ensnared. I couldn't change it because it just sounded like two boys discussing some kind of widget I didn't bother to pay attention to. I had him and that was what mattered. I also saw that he was happy and that too was all that mattered. I didn't realize what was happening... You're right I need to stop talking like that. It's just annoyingly hard for me not to.
I feel sorry for him. If he finds out I have moved on and he no longer has a place in this world with me. Hmm, I just realized that he might come to realize a little of how I felt when I suddenly didn't have a place in his world. I just started moving on in September. I checked myself into the hospital due to dangerous behaviour. Then after that I decided to start working on my life. It is slow moving, and I have my own difficulties so I am doing what I can. It is slow, but I am moving on inch by inch.
Thank you for the well wishes! I'm honoured you'd take time to think of me while going about your day.
Yes, and listening to the music that the 'genius' Lron Hubbard produced and recorded proves it. I caution against people with emotional issues listening to it. It's been known to inspire spontaneous suicide.
As is sympathy... which is considered to be. "Non-survival" and the result of "Aberrated Thought"
In essence.... some of the most beautiful things Humanity has, are considered useless in the "Cleared" planet that Scientology seeks to create. This is why I am here.
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