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Drunk Man Wanders Onto Tom Cruise's Property, Gets Tased

Discussion in 'Tom and Katie' started by Anonymous, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. Anonymous Member

    The Daily Crabbie: Drunk Man Wanders Onto Tom Cruise's Property, Gets Tased



    An unnamed intoxicated 41-year-old male climbed the wrong fence into the wrong property and found himself on the wrong end of a taser. The property in question happened to belong to Tom Cruise. Security guards found this poor sod wandering around drunk and, being thugs owned by Tom Cruise, tased the man. They soon realized the guy wasn't a threat, he was just a neighbor who climbed the wrong fence. He was taken to the hospital after being booked and fixed up. Tom wasn't home at the time so he probably won't even hear about this unless he Googles himself.

    So that's what it's like living next door to Tom Cruise. Be careful you don't pick the wrong fence in your drunken stupor because you could end up being electro-shocked by thugs. And just ignore those lights hovering at night. YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT UFO. IT WAS YOUR IMAGINATION. IT ABSOLUTELY WAS NOT AN ALIEN SHIP BEAMING DOWN SUPPLIES. TOM DOESN'T NEED ALIEN BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS TO LIVE, THAT'S JUST A VICIOUS RUMOR. I bet the drunk guy doesn't remember getting tased. Cause it wasn't just a taser. It was a memory-erasing beam. He's going to wake up with singed pubes and a nasty headache. And probably an alien parasite in his gut. In short, DON'T LIVE NEXT DOOR TO TOM CRUISE.

    http://www.thedailycrabbie.com/2012/10/drunk-man-wanders-onto-tom-cruises.html
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Like Like x 2
  2. Anonymous Member

    VaD!!!111 WooHoooooooooo!!!111
  3. Quentinanon Member

    "Never fear to hurt another in a just cause" - L. Ron Hubbard
    What is a just cause?
    "The Greatest Good for the Greatest Number of Dynamics"
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Anonymous Member

    What is The greatest Good for the Greatest Number of Dynamics?
    It's whatever David Miscavige says it is. Which is usually something that swells his secret offshore numbered bank accounts.
    • Agree Agree x 3
  5. Tom sure is pulling in a lot of bad PR lately. Must be PTS. Or something.

    Note to Tom Cruise: the WHY is YOU.
  6. RightOn Member

    all Katie's fault don't yah know
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
  7. DeathHamster Member

    Good thing the guy didn't have swords.
    • Winner Winner x 6
  8. Anonymous Member

    I think a mod should make a hurricane thread :)
  9. Anonymous Member

    Why? Butthurt?
  10. Anonymous Member

    yup. now the hurricane is affecting me, so I have a different outlook. I can't even have a smoke outside, wind is so strong :(
  11. Anonymous Member

    Now would be a good time for a display of OT powers.

    /derail
  12. Anonymous Member

    If you was LE I would have been banned again.
  13. Anonymous Member

    he did not like discord or anyone that disputed him.
  14. Anonymous Member

    stop derailing tihs impotent thread
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. Gee, sounds like Tom Cruise is such a nice guy to live next to.
  16. veravendetter Member

    Wish I had thugs to tase people who trespass on my property.
    • Funny Funny x 2
  17. Anonymous Member

    GET OFF MA LAWN! ^^^^^^
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  18. DeathHamster Member

    Beverly Hills. I'm sure that the guy can afford good lawyers once he sobers up--and Tom can forget about EVER borrowing a cup of sugar from that neighbor!
    • Funny Funny x 2
  19. Anonymous Member

    Hmm, Calle Vista Drive in Beverly Hills, should we send him an info pack?
  20. Anonymous Member

    • Winner Winner x 2
  21. Anonymous Member

    Could have been worse - Tom could have tried to convert him to Scientology.
    • Agree Agree x 3
  22. DeathHamster Member

  23. Anonymous Member

    Yeah. Cruise can fork over that $50 million he wins from Bauer Pubs to Mr Sullivan. Balances right out.
  24. Xenu Is Lord Member

    Tom Cruise as Taiser Man
    Tom Cruise goes Taise crazy!
    Carzy Taisey Tom


    Just in case the tabloids are looking for something to play with
  25. Anonymous Member

    Might have to add a verse or two.
    • Like Like x 1
  26. Xenu Is Lord Member

    Tom Cruise as the
    Retarded Policeman #8: Tazer

    • Winner Winner x 2
  27. Anonymous Member

    Taser Tom Cruise, man of action?

    [IMG]
  28. amaX Member

    The plot thickens!

    The house that tased intruder Jason Sullivan was staying in belongs to mega-Hollyweird agent Kevin Huvane who just so happens to be Tom Cruise's agent! Huvane is gay gay gay and not someone to mess with in Tinseltown.

    http://crushable.com/entertainment/meet-kevin-huvane-badass-hollywood-agent-extraordinaire/

    Sidenote: Huvane's brother Stephen is also an agent, gay, and reps lotsa big names.

    Tommy Boy is NOT pressing charges because according to his rep Bert Fields, "Tom's not a vindictive guy," adding, "The guy was drunk. He didn't have a malicious intent." Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
    I'm not sure why Tommy doesn't rush back to H'wood and do his scientology duty by getting the Huvane Bros. into sci anti-gay counseling and Jason into Narconon!
    • Like Like x 4
    • Funny Funny x 1
  29. DeathHamster Member

    I doubt the trespass charge would have stuck too hard anyway. Meanwhile, I'm sure that someone has hit the erase button on the security videos at Chateau Cruise. Was the guy a violent aggressive drunk, or did the goons run out and tase him as soon as he set off the motion detectors? We'll never know, because this will be a nice quiet settlement.
  30. Anonymous Member

    Waiting for settlement with Sullivan

    brb popcorn


  31. He was a taser operator, pretty good taser operator
    • Like Like x 3
    • Funny Funny x 2
  32. RightOn Member

    the title of this thread reminds me of a joke intro.
    A drunk man wanders onto Tom Cruise's property....
  33. Anonymous Member

    Maybe he was looking for Katie...

    Oh, wait
    • Winner Winner x 1
  34. RightOn Member

    Didn't Mr. Not Vindictive climb to the top of whatever in India (was it?) to remove Katie's name from somewhere? or was that a rumor?
    Also he has NEVER sued anyone LOL

    edited: yes
    Tom Cruise to remove Katie Holmes’ name from top of Burj Khalifa
    tomcruise.jpg DUBAI: Just weeks after Katie Holmes announced her plans to divorce Tom Cruise, the Lions For Lambs star has sensationally revealed that he intends to climb back up the Burj Khalifa and remove her name from the top.
    “Mr Cruise wrote the name of his wife at the top of the Burj Khalifa during filming of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol in good faith,” said a spokesperson for the actor. "

    don't know if he ever did this?
  35. I think the man who mistakenly walked on to his neighbors' property should file charges again the thugs who assaulted him. Who cares if the property is owned by Tom Cruise. I know of no right to assault people if they walk on to your lawn. This was not Texas.
    • Agree Agree x 2
  36. Anonymous Member

    He climbed a fence meant to keep people out, didn't just stroll across an unprotected lawn.
  37. muldrake Member

    Moral lesson: don't get so stupid drunk you climb fences and jump onto other people's property. They might not appreciate it, and some of them may even pay goons (or be goons themselves) to stop it from happening. Usually, they'll be legally justified in doing it.

    I still hope the drunken asshat sues Cruise, just to see what happens.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  38. Anonymous Member

    Why didn't Tom just give the druncken asshat the "how to make a drunk person sober" Scientology assist?

    Something CAN be done about drunken asshats.
  39. Still, force is only justified if one is under threat of force. There was no one there to protect, and if you're that drunk, you're going to fall if you try to throw a punch even if you were so inclined. I hope this makes the drunk bastard rich.

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