Anonymous Advice Column

No, I didn't. LOL

I feel like I'm channeling some Hedda Hopper-esque Dorothy Parker wannabe clanging a typewriter wearing a grey flannel suit, shee? With a women's fedora or something similar. A real gal Friday, and likely some gangster's moll. Oh, please stop me... lol

It's bedtime.

Wear a hijab.

How would a veil work, exactly, to keep unruly dogs from humping her hair legs? I'm curious. Now, a burka might work...

It's a lot of made-up TMI.

I was being too literal again. Sorry.

.-.

Wow, that's pretty intense....way over this old broads head.

Dear Anonymous,
I need to go to bed now to get my beauty sleep since it's way after midnight, but I don't want to miss out on anything exciting so I'm pretty psyched up at the moment. What should I do?

Surrender to the void

Dear Anonymous,

as a student I had several part time jobs to support myself and one of them was cleaning the house of a very well known television personality who was a pain in the ass.

One day the PIA asked me to do I job I hated, cleaning the oven. If I wanted to keep this well paid gig I had to do it, and I did it so spectacularly that I was paid a rather large bonus at the end of the day.

I still feel bad when I think about it because earlier in the day I ran her toothbrush under the rim of the toilet bowl.

Should I confess?

Start taking taxis for a start.

My boyfriend has over 9000 penises, which is usually not a problem, but sometimes it's hard for him to find pants that fit. i want to help him, what can I do?

You could be on a day time talk show. Have you tried e-mailing Oprah? This sounds like her kind of content.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2014/05/22/facebook-wants-to-listen-in-on-what-youre-doing/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm

Mark Fuckerberg is a Cunt!

You have a real talent for this...

Yes, and we all know this. Your point?

Der Anon

I sometimes can’t understand the tl;dr posts by certain people on this message board. Does this mean I need to sober up or drink moar?

Bailing out the water that keeps leaking in. Hmmmm ... try fixing the leak.

Drink more and wear sunglasses when confronted with walls-of-text, RayBans if you can afford 'em.

Dear Anon,

Nigeria? Y/N

Dear Anonymous,

Maybe you can tell me why I lol’d at this because I really do not know why.



Also,


But I get why it is a lol, but less of a lol for me anyway: the Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup reference is so random.

Also,


Enough said.

Dear Anon,

Please be so kind as to answer my fucking question about Nigeria so I can go to bed. Thanks. No "likes" are needed. A simple yes or no will suffice.

Love,
RavenEyes

Is there a "Gifted" forum here?

There used to be, but it died in a fire when FD asploded and turned on ama.

Confused in NYC..

Buy them dinner and then hump them back.. You don't want to be rude..

Dear Anonymous...

I dated a Scientologist and he gave me a Body Thetan. How do I get rid of it? It itches and my va Ja Ja smells like Hubbards breath... ugh Miserable in Miami

Keeping ones mouth shut is very profitable. Go in peace...

I have a very wide and possibly overly moist vagina. What should I doooooo?