This is for the digital magazine Soooo do you want advice for a problem? Only lulz will be accepted. What do we call it? Ask Anon Granny?
example: I have been cybersexing with a Anon I met in IRC. One of my friends warned me that he made a video of our last Skype session and posted it on Vimeo and linked it to Dongcopter Pirate. Help me I don't know what to do. He always wore a mask but kept changing his voice it was almost like there were different guys but he says he was true to me.
I have a small business in Kansas City and we won't let people wearing masks to come in. Will this effect our business plan? Are we putting ourselves in danger?
My cat seems mad at me and won't come out from under the couch. How do I get her to come sit in my lap again?
I have one: I inhaled the gas of a FEMA chemtrail and a small green torso and head have begun to grow out of my left calf. The head's mouth is now completely formed and it won't stop talking to me and trying to convert me to Scientology. How do I get rid of it without the government finding out and putting me in a FEMA camp? I already have the red sticker on my mailbox.
No. I've been hitting it over and over again with a dead salmon but it won't shut up until I turn on reruns of "infowars"
Oh,oh! (Horschack). How about two anons. One is: (1) AskAnon (the Anon of the month), and the second is (2) JustAsk (everybody plays). Wait, wait. I know, THREE anons: those two above, plus (3) TheInternet (you know, the real smart guy on here? I like his posts). So: #1 is the chosen anon of the moment or the month .. or whatever. #2 is a free for all. #3 is The Internet (no pressure). BTW, pretend I am posting this anonymously because it is so lame. Oh, and asker gets to pick the best answer.
My family and I wanna go on a super trip across the great land of the US this summer, but our car is small and about to break down. We keep hearing FEMA has trailers for all of us somewheres, and I'm a-wonderin' if'n we might be able to get ours early so we can take it on our vacation? I mean, we're going on a patriotic trip and all. Do I call the president or the white house?
That was just sad, and I should be ashamed of myself. I won't hold anyone liable for any response they try to muster.
To troll or not to troll? Which is nobler? To dig, or, perchance to make internet friends? Aye, there's the rub. Srs. Where's Dear Anon?
I know it's a pipe dream, but I would love an Ask Miranda column. Other than that, I am with Ricky Bobby. Ask Anon.
Last week I saw a very hot girl in Startbucks. I tried to catch her eye but she didn't see me even when I moved into her line of sight a few times. She came back yesterday- same deal just didn't see me. She was with a couple of girlfriends so I went up to talk to her, her back was to me because she had changed seats just a minute after that last time I moved across the room to be in her line of vision. I put my hand on her shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze because squeezing softly comes off as wimpy but she screamed and turned around and screamed about stalking and calling the police. She called me a freak. My question: is she a lesbian?
Related column you could do: Anonymous Do’s and Don’ts, like Vice Fashion Do’s and Don’ts. Screencaps of stuff people post on Anon forums in each column.
Ask Anon I have a problem I hope you can help me. I'm a hot woman and I like to wear heels and minis like a model but I don't like my legs to be cold so I don't shave my legs. I'm Italian American and am quite dark, I wax my mustache and have to wax my forehead twice a week because otherwise I have a unibrow. When I walk down the sidewalk in NYC there are unruly dogs that follow and try to hump my leg. what should I do?
I dunno. You got a “dislike” so maybe it is not a good idea. But we could make a thread someplace for people to screencap or copypasta lulzy candidates. Should put thread in place an interested mod can tweak.
Reserve a small section of your leg that is easily accessible to the dogs but relatively protected from the chills of the arctic weather of NYC winters. Wax that section only. The unruly dogs will be happy to have a smooth humping ground and will help keep that hairless section of your leg warm while your hair will keep the rest of your super-model gams cozy. Who knows? You may start a fashion statement and end up on the runways in Milan. But, be careful. I hear those curs can be quite rabid - and I'm not just talking about the canines. Grrrr.
