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All The Ladies Fall In Love With Tommy

Discussion in 'Tom and Katie' started by Harold Hinkubah, Dec 28, 2011.

  1. Anonymous Member

    An Australian woman named Valeska Paris used to be a member of Tommy Girl's Happy Time Fun Church Of Crazy (aka Scientology) and is now talking to the media about how she was pretty much forced into doing slave labor on the organization's cruise ship called Freewinds (not to be confused with Rosie O'Donnell's Big Gay Cruise). Valeska was allegedly sent to work on the ship as punishment after her mom quit Scientology. For 12 years, Valeska slaved away for up to 18 hours a day on the ship's lower levels and was treated like shit out of a Thetan's ass by Scientology's head bitch in charge David Miscaviage. Valeska somehow got away and even though she's permanently scarred and can't even watch a Carnival cruise ship commercial without busting into a panic attack, she has amazing stories to tell. Some of those stories came from the time she worked Tommy Girl's big gay birthday extravaganzaaaaaa in 2004. Nobody brings the crazy like Scientology so you know this shit is going to be good.

    Valeska tells the Village Voice (via The Superficial) that before his imperial space highness beamed down onto the ship, the slaves were told to only address him as "sir" and to not ask him for an autograph. The party was basically a giant finger banging Tommy in the butt. It was a Tom Cruise-theme party and there posters of his movies everywhere and the band played songs from his movies (except the ones he did with Nicole Kidman). But Valeska didn't even get to work Tommy's birthday party because her lip committed an act of treason:
    “David Miscavige saw that I had a cold sore, and I was assigned to lower conditions and I was put in isolation for 4 days,” she says. She explains that she was assigned the “condition” of “Treason,” which is below “Enemy” but above “Confusion.”
    “I was in Treason. So I wasn’t allowed to go to Tom Cruise’s birthday.”
    So that's why Katie "Herp Sore" Holmes always looks like she's been chained to a steam pipe for days on an end. Because she has!
    Valeska wasn't the only woman on the ship who got punished:
    And she says three young women from the IASA—the administration of the International Association of Scientologists—were disciplined after the party. "They were trying to get Tom's attention. So they were put in the engine room."
    They really should've just put all of the women in the engine room at the beginning of the party, because we all know how pussies burst out a tsunami of barley cream every time Tommy sashays around. David Miscaviage knows this and warned the females of the crew before Tommy arrived:
    “He said, ‘Tom Cruise is coming and I need really good service, so who’s going to serve him?’ A woman spoke up. ‘No, no, it can’t be a woman, because he’s so good looking, any woman would fall for him.’ So a guy had to take the job,” she says.
    If you gathered a million people in the same place and told that line, their full body laughs would send the earth flying into Xenu's volcano. They should make wallpaper with that line on it and cover the closet walls with it. Yeah, Tommy can't get near any woman or they will instantly fall in love with him, which is why he only surrounds himself with hot man pieces. "Sorry, I can't fuck you, because you have a vagina and you'll instantly fall in love with me" is probably a line Tommy used often. Well played, Tommy!
    Here's a video from Tommy's birthday party of him trying to sing with The X-Factor's Stacy Francis. This is like that awkward moment during your office holiday party when you realize that your drunk co-worker who is acting the fool isn't drunk, he's just naturally fucking crazy.

    If I was at that party, I'd find a way to give myself a cold sore so I could be banished to the damn engine room and put out of my misery.
    And here's Tommy sweating his pit Thetans off with Brad Bird and Paula Patton at the press conference for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol in Tokyo today. All you women folk, don't stare too long or else you'll fall in loooooove.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Robocat Member

  3. BLiP Member

  4. Anonymous Member

  5. Anonymous Member

    Just because a guy is a flaming homosexual, doesn't mean a girl can't find him attractive...
  6. RightOn Member

    those pit stains ARE seeexxxy!!!
  7. Anonymous Member

    maybe, if one is Greek
  8. xenubarb Member

    Tom Cruise is attractive in that artificial way men's mag models are attractive. Drop that lower lip and pout, Tommy. You look like a Playboy model, srs. Do Not Want.

    (Did not want 30 years ago either, but at least I'm consistent)
    • Like Like x 4
  9. Anonymous Member

    I've never been attracted to men who are shorter than me.
  10. Strixcoil Moderator

    That's actually like wanting to eat chocolate when you're diabetic and allergic to cocoa...no matter how hard you stare at it or want it, you will never be able to chew it!
  11. Chipshotz Member

  12. He is such a sweaty little homunculus.
    • Like Like x 2
  13. It is almost as if he was trying to look like a newbie female porn model in this photo:
    tommyistoosexy.jpg
    Maybe it just comes naturally to him.
    • Like Like x 2
  14. Anonymous Member

    Did Tom just step out of the Purif sauna, or does he always sweat that badly?
  15. socacity Member

    A man enjoyed his birthday party. What a terrible crime! Listen to how zany your criticism is.

    How many of you can spontaneously do the splits?
  16. Anonymous Member

    Tom's a flaming homosexual.
    Admit it and hate him as your scriptures instruct you to do.
    • Like Like x 2
  17. Random guy Member

    Quite a few of us could I suppose, if we had suitably cult indoctrinated slave labour attendants allowing to spend time training to do just such things.
  18. You're right, I found this picture of him:
    [IMG]
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Anonymous Member

    tbh it was a poorly executed half split, but still pretty decent for a man of his age, wearing street clothes.
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Malory Member

    Buy me a drink and we'll talk about it bb.
  21. Herro Member

    Lol stay petty and jealous WWP. Hatin on tommy boy just because he's got mad swag.
  22. Anonymous Member

    So anytime a "celebrity' is criticized (in this case for supporting a brutal crime syndicate) it's out of jealousy? I will continue "hatin" (what are you-12?) on Tommy until he stops supporting Scientology.
    • Like Like x 1
  23. Anonymous Member

    We're secretly all jealous of your trolling ability.

    BTW, that's a copyrighted trademark you're misusing, faggot.
    • Like Like x 1
  24. Anonymous Member

    How could you fall for that troll? I am disappoint.
  25. Anonymous Member

    Hmm. Herro, was gone for a while, socacity was gone for a while now both are back posting on the same day. Just sayin' is all.
  26. Anonymous Member

    Yah, and Herro with that sigil of evil.
    Both failtrolls... hmmm

    Plot thickens (just add water)
  27. Frankly, I don't need to have my birthday party be about me. I take more pleasure in playing host to friends than I do putting on the princess tiara and doing splits 'cause I got the mad swag and all.

    I think Tommy has a problem with needing to be the focus of everything all the time.
    • Like Like x 1
  28. Anonymous Member

    Herro = attention whore
  29. socacity Member

    Mr. Cruise was thrown a party by his good friend, COB. Miss Manners might suggest that good etiquette is to graciously accept your friend's caring gesture.
  30. Anonymous Member

    Better etiquette would be to question whether that is the proper use of parishioners' money.
    • Like Like x 3
  31. Herro Member

    Lol nope. People in here are just mad as fuck that Tom Cruise got that mad swagger. Like check out this dude:

    Dude is saying there's something wrong with Cruise because he has fun at his birthday party. So jelly.

    I love you WWP, stay mad knowing Tom Cruise is a huge star and there's nothing you can do about it.
  32. Anonymous Member

    We love you too, Herro, but remember that Tom Cruise is all that you have. He may be a successful movie star, but he's no academic paragon. Last I checked most real scientists, inventors, and anyone that had any lasting impact on human kind was not a Scientologist. LRH may have been a prolific and (at times) interesting creator of stories but like Cruise, he's simply a man who can spin a good yarn.
  33. Herro Member

    So?
  34. woah...
    this response no longer amuses me..
    does that mean its time to move on from wwp chanology and anon altogether?
  35. LRH's "yarns" are only amusing or "good" because of the people who invest so much time and or money promoting them.
  36. LocalSP Member

    Herro does what I like to call, bragging by proxy.

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